My Xmas present to each 2009 F1 driver

17 12 2009

It was Rubbergoat’s choice of topic this week for “Thursday Thoughts” so he chose “What F1 Needs For Christmas?”

Here is my list of presents (if I could actually afford it) for each F1 driver that competed during 2009.

Jenson Button

A Braun Electric Razor so he complies with McLaren’s no facial fuzz policy – he needs to clean-up his appearance to “fit in” with the smart factory.

Sebastian Vettel

A Red Bull endorsed Australian floppy hat complete with bobbing corks since he has been practicising his Mark Webber impersonations to such good effect.

Rubens Barrichello

A fire-retardant treated under-shirt that on the one side says “Mr Happy” and on the other side says “blah blah blah blah” so he does not need to give verbal post-race press interviews during 2010 by just wearing this special “mood” FIA endorsed underwear.

Mark Webber

A video collection of DC Formula 1 starts that caused the most first lap carnage, he needs to perfect this art from the master of carbon fibre destruction.

Lewis Hamilton

A set of six wax dolls that each have an uncanny resemblance to Jenson Button complete with tufts of original ginger hair removed from the shaved “beard” of the world champion, a pack of extra long pins and “A Pictorial Guide to Voodoo Dolls” by Denise Alvarado.

Kimi Räikkönen

A Ferrari cap that actually fits his head!

Nico Rosberg

The following books to add to his library: Michael Schumacher: Driving Force; Michael Schumacher: The Edge of Greatness; Michael Schumacher: The Whole Story; Michael Schumacher: The Definitive Race-by-race Record of His Grand Prix Career; Michael Schumacher: The Greatest of All? so he has no excuse when he gets rammed off the the race track by his team mate or finds out that he has to give his team mate all his data but gets no data in return.

Jarno Trulli

A six-day course in Adobe Photoshop so he has photos that tell his side of the story to present to the FIA marshals.

Fernando Alonso

A pack of self-adhesive stickers that say “Please be kind to doors, we are not to blame that Felipe is faster than you” together with a Fridge magnet that has the same pacifist message.

Timo Glock

A signed copy by the 2008 World Champion of the book “Lewis Hamilton: A Dream Comes True” acknowledging past services rendered.

Felipe Massa

A year’s supply of extra-strong pain killers because either the racing or his team mate is going to give him a pain in the neck.

Heikki Kovalainen

He already has had his Xmas present, it is to drive in F1 next year courtesy of Lotus. So I will give him a hand-made Xmas card featuring Lewis Hamilton in the 2009 McLaren F1 car on the front and inside Lewis Hamilton wearing only a strategically placed Santa cap.

Nick Heidfeld

A Dinky Matchbox 1:43 scale 1955 Mercedes Gullwing Die Cast Car painted in silver in the original box – since it is to be as close as he is going to get to driving a Mercedes in 2010.

Robert Kubica

A collection of inflatable F1 cars in 2010 livery so he can practice hi-speed conjugation since he enjoyed his first experience with the Trulli Toyota early this season.

Giancarlo Fisichella

A scalextric set that can be built as a replica of the Spa circuit complete with a Red Ferrari and a Force India slot-car so this time he can repeatedly beat Kimi.

Sebastien Buemi

An original 1952 Mr. Potato Head boxed set to play with over the Xmas period.

Adrian Sutil

A wall-sized poster for his study of Kimi in a Ferrari F1 car that appears to be only inches away.

Kamui Kobayashi

A German to Swiss German dictionary together with pronounciation classes so he can be understood by his new employers.

Sebastien Bourdais

A pack of Kleenex tissues presented in an ornate plastic, gold-coloured Indian-made tissue box to wipe his glasses and his tears when he is fired yet again from a team.

Kazuki Nakajima

A letter of reference to present to Mr Kobayashi when he applies for vacancies for kitchen staff at the Sushi Bar owned by Kamui’s father.

Nelsinho Piquet

A dartboard in the shape and life-sized of Flavio Briatore wearing only his famous “thong” together with a set of darts in ING Renault team colours.

Vitantonio Liuzzi

A shiny metallic gold cap similar to the one worn by Force India’s team principal Vijay Mallya.

Romain Grosjean

A voucher for 20% off, redeemable at any cost-saver hair saloon.

Jaime Alguersuari

An insurance policy to cover all the carbon-fibre he is going to destroy in 2010 should he secure an F1 drive.

Luca Badoer

A remote-controlled, electric powered model Ferrari F60 car to play with as the company won’t let him drive a real one ever again.

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